Day 27 - Addiction

August 16

The wall has been hit. Swallowing even water is very challenging at this point. I've not eaten today because it takes a ton of psychological energy to get amped up to take one drink of water, let alone anything of nutritive value.

Mornings are the absolute worst. After hours of inactivity, my throat is basically closed. I use the magic mouthwash to numb my throat and then take Tylenol. That first swallow caused me to shake this morning. No bullshit. Then I took four gabapentin (about the same size as Tylenol capsules). I actually sat on the floor for that one, in front of the air conditioning vent. It was like I was having a panic attack without the panic. Instant overheating, sweating, shaking, and lightheadedness. But, it got done. Then there's all the other meds to take. Having fun yet? I kept my ass comfortably parked on the floor and got through it.

Dilaudid is useless. I have no idea how anyone could become addicted to these narcotic pain medications. For me, there is zero effect on pain and zero impairment caused. I just don't get it. They don't do anything! Shit, I don't even get a placebo effect. LOL

As the mucositis worsens, swallowing is increasingly painful and I am spitting up an impossible amount of sludge. It is like a thick, yellow phlegm. At times, there is even a little blood in it. Lovely.

Other than that, life is great.